So I guess Interpol fans liked my review of their show at Agganis.
Because on the Interpol site...someone found my review through the Freep and posted it.

Oh man.
http://www.interpolnyc.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=19063

Well at least the rabid Interpol-ers like me! They really like me!

Oh this has been a wild ride! I'm going to be sad to see this go as well.
I am not deleting this journal because I have had it since my freshman year of high school.
Instead, I am moving on to bigger and better things. Namely, Blogger.

If you still want more of my wonderful insight on life, hop on over to http://the-slipstream.blogspot.com/ and visit my new blog!

I'll see you on the other side.

Love,
Rachel R.

"You can never go home again."

I visited Boulder yesterday and found that so much has changed. Boulder still looks the same (save for the new outdoor mall) but there is something that feels off. I think I may have outgrown my hometown. I think that every moment I am there, I am breaking some unspoken law. I was never meant to go back there. I still love my friends and will continue to love them until the end of my days but...as soon as I stepped foot into Boulder, I felt (finally) like my time there had come to an end.

Boulder had been replaced by Boston.
I had traded Pearl St. for Newbury St.
BHS for BU.

Walking down Pearl St. was a little bit awkward. I saw people I used to know in Trident. Us college freshmen sat at our table and discussed life away from home. And seeing the new high school seniors made me feel like....I don't know, time doesn't stop. We are constantly progressing forward and we are being replaced by those after us. I suppose it would be a bit depressing if I said that I had nothing to look forward to but I have recently discovered that coming back to Boulder was a nail in the coffin of my old life.

Today was a day of big decisions.
Whether or not to skip COM101 to get tickets for the Snow Patrol/Silversun Pickups/OK Go concert in March.
Whether or not to email Brad from Aberdeen City to see if he could work his wily charms to get me into the show on Saturday.

Well, big decisions be damned because I did it. I skipped COM101 and stayed home to order tickets for Courtney and I. I had a strange feeling that if I left it until later, I would be a saaaddd panda. Good thing I have such strong intuition. At 10:00am, Tiffany and I went online to the Ticketmaster site and waited. And waited. And waited. At 10:05am, tickets were on sale and the first seats I got were section F1, front row seats. I paid the $78 and couldn't believe it. I wanted to do an experiment so I automatically went back and looked to see what seats were still open. F4, F7, F5, F6. Somehow I had scored stellar seats on my first click. Wow.
So yes, Courtney and I will be lapping up the view in March. How wonderful!!!

What a shockingly good day.

My nineteenth birthday is in 6 days. As I explained to Rachel Johnson today, I am beginning to feel a little old. It recently occured to me that I can take nothing back about my life. I can only progress forward. I laughed a bit to myself this morning as I recalled last New Year's Eve. I remember my mindset and the person I was at that point. It seems like someone else. I remember it all happening but it doesn't seem like me. I feel like my nineteenth birthday is distancing me from everything I used to know. Time more so than distance is keeping me from people in my past.

So much has happened that I have already forgotten. I never wanted to but every day, I feel like memories I wanted to keep are becoming duller, fuzzier, harder to recall. I don't want to forget but I can't stop forgetting details. And it's always been like this and I don't want it to be. Part of me wants to go back and make things right and the other half wants me to run as far away from that life as I can. The funniest thing is, I know that to go back is a mistake. To try to make this work is a mistake. It's always been and I made the right choice the first time. However, I get the distinct feeling that I'll never be rid of this person until I somehow solve this.

There are so many people I have met that I have had...."skirmishes" with. I can't even call them relationships because that would imply some mercy. I've never been good with being completely nice. I feel like I have ruined so many lives. Well, maybe not ruined but I left my scars on people. I have hurt people so badly and made them suffer so much that it shocks me that I haven't been hurt worse by now.

If I don't believe in karma, then what is this?

Pip, pip! Yes, everybody Wang Chung tonight. (Oh Veronica Mars!) Anyway, last night I spent most of the time on my phone talking to my sister and brother-in-law about politics. How 'bout them apples? I remember my former days as a political activist. I remember my whole "never give up" motto. Oh how those days were full of youthful optimism. Not to say that I am jaded and cynical now...oh wait. Well, I am a little. I have realized that people must go through the worst before they understand the truth. Basically human beings are self-destructive and it is only in the 11th hour that they will change. Funny, no?
I am glad to see that the American populous has wizened up finally. I am not very shocked though. I just hope that nothing crazy goes down with the remaining Senate seat because Webb most clearly won that. We'll see how the Democrats will play this. Hopefully they will make the rest of us proud. But I won't be torn to shreds if they don't. Believe me, politics is just a game. So we'll see.

So yeah.
Asobi Sesku.
BU Central.
April 20th.

Who's the shit? We are.
I am rather proud of the fact that we were able to get them. And people doubted me! HA! My love for Asobi Sesku will never fade! But I am extremely excited about them coming to BU. Hopefully Ambassador's Club doesn't suck ass. In fact, I think I told that to our adviser and he couldn't help but agree with me. Sorry but our PR sucks a.s.s. Yeah I said it. Whatever, I will go crazy promoting that show if I have to. I knew there was a reason why I didn't see them in concert the first time they came to Boston. Now I get to see them for free and actually meet them.
As Charles Dickens said, "Woot, woot!"

12:30 tomorrow will be the greatest moment ever. It is the start of my three-day weekend. SCORE! Oh what shall I do with all this time? Oh I know! Rachel J.'s birthday is on Saturday and the Scamper show at BU Central is on Friday. I must say, I have missed BU Central after not being there for a week. It's a very dysfunctional and abusive family. Nothin' but love!

Wow, I must say that the view from my room is amazing. It has been raining all day so everything is covered in this thick fog. You can barely see the top of the Prudential Center and all of the buildings have disappeared into the sky. I love nights like tonight! The weather may be icky but damn, it sure is gorgeous to look at. I can almost feel winter right around the corner. I'll be sad to see fall go. I have been realizing how beautiful Bay State is with all of the trees shedding their leaves. Aw. It almost makes a girl want to get down-right sentimental.

( Rachel's Ranting Time! )

I must have an issue when I refuse to go to sleep early because it would be boring. It is boring. You try falling asleep at like 10pm. Lame.

Anyway, I was thinking that I should put an ad in the personals. I figure, why the hell not? It works for other people so why can't I do it as well? Please, don't give me any of that, "But Rachel, you're perfectly ok, you can find someone you like" crap. No I cannot. I find that out of everything I have ever attempted in my life, finding people to like me seems to be the thing I suck the most at. Thanks God. Thanks.

Seriously, could I have worse luck? I doubt it. Unless like everytime I dated someone, they died in a freak accident. But I am not even that fortunate because I don't date people. Yeah. Cue the violins. God, I better have the best damn lovelife in like junior year. I figure that I have had to deal with enough of ironic twists and turns that eventually it will pay off. See, I am good in small doses. I am definitely one of those people that it is easy to like if you have met me once and you see me a second time. If you actively pursue me, chances are you'll end up....well, it just won't be good. You'll be sad/hate me/whatever. I don't try to make people upset but I suppose I do it without knowing.

I have the perfect "one-night stand" personality (easy to like and know) but I would never do that. Therein lies the problem. Damn these morals of mine! Seriously, every once in awhile I will get into what I refer to as a "lust cloud." Now, as a Scorpio, we are notoriously sexual creatures and basically, we live off of lust. So what one person calls attraction, I call a mission. Really. You should see me when I am in one of those moments. It's kind of all-consuming. Starry-eyed? No. It's more like fire-eyed. A bit unsettling.

I find that I am only attractive to a certain type of person. Insane is one way to describe them but more than that, people who get complexity. So really what would I put in a personals ad? Let's list some qualities...

( This is absurd. )

I have been having my crisis. My end of the summer crisis.

Yes, July is almost over. August is rapidly approaching and I, Rachel V. Richmond, am beginning to get a little worried. I can safely say that I have come to bond with people from Boulder and the idea of not seeing them much or ever again is something that is sure to make me cry when I have to actually confront it. Wow. Time sure flies...

Usually, I have been able to have a really good idea of what life will be like, how situations will play out. This is a time where I am S.O.L. I have no idea what is going to happen next in our lives. I can't say if we'll all leave home with a bang or a fizzle. I don't want to have to say goodbye. I don't want to feel like I wish I had more time. I know that when that day hits where our group will splinter, things are sure to be sad. For once, there is no happy ending.

As much as Boulder has been a semi-bad experience, I will miss it. I feel like I spent a year and a half searching for the group of people I have befriended. Finally I find them and then I go off to college. I can't say that it is unfair because it isn't. I am grateful to have found them at all and to have spent this much time with them. I love my old friends too. I'll worry about them as well but as I take it, we all have chosen different paths that have separated us. I still have nothing but love for them but oh well. People change.

These last few weeks will be interesting.

"Restless eyes close, maybe it'll go away
Please rest tomorrow, bring a satisfying day
The restless urge of love that's worth the burning for
Surely it's that one consuming love to give you more
Any thought could be the beginning of the brand new tangled web you're spinning
Anyone could be your brand new love
Any tithe that holds can be broken, tear your bitter world to the open
Anyone could be your brand new love
You won't be the first, your twisted change is normal
Gossan dirt, whispered to the nodding head
Thrilled you fell apart, instead of them
Cause they will
Any hope for love can be killed
If you need a different face, it's definite time to destroy this place
Any thought could be the beginning of the brand new tangled web you're spinning
Anyone could be a brand new love
Follow what you feel, you alone decide what's real
Anyone can be your brand new love"


I heard this cover of "Brand New Love" done by Death Cab.
There is something about it that I can't possibly explain. It's at the same time beautiful and sad, optimistic and heartbreaking.
The skittering beat of the drums and the light guitar winding over the simple notes from the keyboard. It's understated in its power.
For some reason, I have latched on to this song. Not out of some pity I feel for myself but because it seemingly describes life in every aspect. It's describing the life that I am trying to come to terms with on my own. I know this all sounds so cliche but...I love it.

Goddamn it, I love Death Cab for Cutie.

Summertime turns everyone into a more colorful, crazier, louder version of themselves. I have noticed my utter abandon when out with my friends and you know, it is amazing. Last night, I hopped a fence and went swimming at Scott Carpenter Park with Jane. It was wonderful to not care about a single damn thing and to give in to nothing else but an impulse. Then at Colin's house, we laughed and I wore a towel and huddled on the floor. We spoke about how everyone has essentially known eachother for years, how we all came together, and even how shocked my AP Lit teacher looked when she saw John and I at Prom together. I loved every moment. There really are no words to describe the feeling of coming home at 2am, wet, cold, and happy about life.

I'll be sad to see this all go. Even now my joy is tinted with a bit of sadness at the fact that we have so little time. Why couldn't we all meet before? Why couldn't we get to know each other sooner? Sad to say, there is rarely ever enough time.

I really need more pictures of myself that other people take. Some of them are really good. Like this one I got from Rachel Hirschey. It's wonderful! And to think that I was once in my life so pretty.

I got my yearbook today, Woot. It's GIGANTIC.
But pretty. Very very pretty.
I want to stroke it thusly.
(strokes it thusly)

There is NOTHING better than listening to Loveline and everytime a guy calls up who says he's "experimented" with another male friend, they play part of a song from Brokeback Mountain.
IT. IS. WONDERFUL.

On the downside of life, my parents aren't letting me go to the Senior Camp-Out. Which is understandable. It is badly planned this year and the only reason I am going is because all of my friends are going. Well, not ALL of them but a lot of them. So instead, Yates and I are (hopefully) getting the smarter half of the senior class (read as: the ones who aren't going) to come out that night until GOD KNOWS when. I really want to stay up until senior breakfast. But I dunno who'll stay up that late. I am sure we'll plan during 7th period and my parents will probably let me do that instead.

But yeah, I am excited. It should be fun anyway. We always find a way to have the best time. Well...except for that time after the Da Vinci Code.
I blame it ALL on Tom Hanks' mullet.
It totally was. Almost. Well, it was very Bono-ish in shape and size. Hahhahaha! Lord, that was a bad movie.
But you know what will totally rule? X-MEN 3 (with wolverine claws as the III)! HOLLLAAAA!

....I am insane.
Obviously.
AND I LOVE MY BATHING SUIT! AND I LOVE HOW MANY DAMN GRADUATION PARTIES I HAVE TO GO TO THAT ARE BACK TO FREAKING BACK. Hahhahaa sorry but it is amazing. Really amazing.
I AM JAZZED. Graduation is so close. So so close. Ah yeah. I cannot wait to walk across that damn stage, grab my diploma, and party the night away. I just want to dance and sing and all that.

FINALLY. We're done!

[mood| thoughtful]
[music| Rilo Kiley || Hail To Whatever In The Sunlight That Surrounds You]

So I have decided that I am going to Boston University this fall.
Basically, because it rules, they have a good film program and excellent academics.
And that I don't have to pay anything to go there. Not having to pay $45,000 is good enough for me.

Yeah, so there's that! I'll be back in Boston, in one of the best universities in the world and doing what I love for free. How can I say no to that?! I can't, and I didn't. Now, the only problem is motivating myself until graduation!
Speaking of which, I am beginning to truly love my senior class. Yes, a lot of them are prats and I vehemently dislike them but some are very cool people. I'll admit, I have friends now that at the beginning of the year I hated with every bone in my body. But we've bonded through this hellish year. And it's amazing because everyone is so open to eachother. Take, for instance, my 7th period class. We have been though hell together and now we are like a family. We can all depend on eachother and we all know that if we ever need anything, we can just turn to another classmate. I love that bond, you know?

I am going to really miss everyone, despite my coldheartedness. Damnit!

In other news, I have discovered that Al Pacino in his 1970s days....was really....freaking....hot.
The Godfather, anyone? Dog Day Afternoon? HELLO! The man was quite a looker and very talented.
So depressing he doesn't look that way anymore. Damn. And the same went for like SO many people back then! Marlon Brando was wicked hot in A Streetcar Named Desire. Robert Redford was...just amazing looking back in the day, as was Paul Newman. RIDICULOUS!
But now, they are all...meh. Upsetting!!!!

Ah...I am such a perv.
Maybe one day I'll post my eulogy to the former hottness of men. With birth and death dates of the hottness. SAD!

But yeah, Al Pacino....you rock my world. And I love you as Don Michael Corleone. Basically, you are fabulous. And all that jazz.
Boaghagbak.kdNJAS.
Okay, kids, I am off to like...do something...or something like that.
You know how I roll.
OH! And I'll be getting tea. SO!

Peace.
Ouuuuuttttt.

So....
I got into Boston University.
Into their film program.

....All I have to say is, my heart cannot take much more of this "the night before" stress!!! I CANNOT! I had a DREAM about fucking college letters. UNcool.
"Fo' serious." As you kids say.

So if you want to know the score:
2 acceptances (UT Austin, BU)
1 rejection (UCLA...but then again, who likes them anyway?)
5 waiting (Brown, Columbia, Yale, Harvard, and NYU)

Goddamnit, April 1st.
You'll either be a good day or a horrifically bad one.
Let's hope for the former.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even ifwe don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you andme. It can be anything you want- good or bad. When you're finished,post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (ormoritified) about what people remember about you.

Ah.;skdhg;o.;eh.,as.

Dr. Drew mentioned AND quoted me on Loveline!

I can die happy now.

Look. Love. Comment.




( More pictures!!! )

[mood| sore]
[music| A Perfect Circle || Pet]

Oh god damnit.
My Japanese swordfighting class KICKED MY ASS. Seriously. Wtf? Those swords are heavy as shit, ok?
80% of the class are goth girls. The other 20% are nerdy kids.
Granted, there are like 7 kids in the class so YEAH it does make a difference. And my teacher must be like, "Why do I have to deal with the Star Wars kids and the Cure groupies?" I dunno man, but I feel your pain.
Wait....no.
THAT'S MY NICE BLOOD BLISTER ON MY HAND AND MY SORE MUSCLES!

But I shall endure.
And my teacher I THINK hit on me.
Oh jesus. Proooobably don't want that. Just a thought.

Le sigh. You know what creeps me out?
When people say openly that they think about you. And not in romantic ways. YYEEEEEAHHHH no. Don't say that. Please? Kinda creeps me out a little lot. Ugh. And don't TELL me you dream about me. That's fucked up! What does a person SAY to that!?!??
I mean I understand about, "Rachel, I like you so much....Can I tell you that I think about you all the time?" And I would be okay with that. Ohhhh but that was not how it went. Ughhhhhh! No.
I need a shower right about now.

Bllllaaagh I need to study for AP Psych and then do some AP Calculus.
NO!!!!
But I always have LoveLine with me....MWHAHAHA!

♥

[mood| chipper]
[music| Godspeed You Black Emperor || The Dead Flag Blues]

So...I totally only had to go to school for 45 minutes today.
And in AP Psych, we just went outside and played on the field. It was amazing!
Oh how wonderful.

Goddamn it, James Joyce. Why must your books be so confusing and UNreadable. I am sure if you cut down on the footnotes and allusions, I would understand your points a little better. But I shall endure. I shall read your damn book.

I have discovered that I am so fickle.
Really.
I mean, I can like people and often times it lasts awhile but...recently, my heart finds a way to push people out. I feel like someone is turning on a switch and then off again without any warning. I can like and be attracted to people but love? God, when was the last time I had truly loved anyone?
Oh wait, I know. About that....
And the thing is, I am going to be leaving Boulder so soon. I do feel kind of unattached from everyone. But then again, I want to be loved. Just thinking about the last time makes me oddly sad and kind of pissed off. I feel like maybe I should have been smarter. I don't know why.

The funniest thing is, I know people have loved me. And I have loved them. But some people that I have loved, I feel as though they never deserved it afterwards. I am faithful and no, I don't forget. If I have loved you, it doesn't mean that I will always love you but I will always be there for you and be your friend. In this one case, all I wanted after it all was said and done, was to just be a good friend.

( Continued... )

[mood| pensive]
[music| The Stars || What the Snowman Learned About Love]

Thank god for standardized testing that I DON'T have to take!
I don't have to go to school until like...2:10? 2:15? And classes are only 45 minutes so I get out at 3pm.
HELL YES.

So...I dyed my hair. It turned auburn and it looks really cute. It is also short with layers. I love it!!!
I will post pictures later on today so keep an ojo out!!
If I don't....feel free to heckle and insult me. Within reason!

I went to Dave Chappelle's Block Party and it was so fucking good. I love that movie. The performances were just...amazing. Erykah Badu and Jill Scott tore the roof off. Mos was...MOS (which means he was fabulous as usual). I LOVED Kanye! Everyone must see it!!!!

Blaaagh...
Why AM I up?
I need a good enough reason to justify this. Oh wait. I know why. I HAVE HARRY POTTER!!! BWHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH!
That's right. I have Harry Potter. The new one. Oh hell yeah. So I am going to watch it and read the book Asylum.
OH! Everyone with a strong stomach...read The Piano Teacher. It fucked my mind up good but it was such a well written book. There is a lot about sex in there and some really graphic scenes but the ending....the fucking ending. No WONDER why it was a movie. Brilliant!!

Oh man oh man...
So tired but I don't want to sleep.
I am restless now. I am so close to graduation and freedom and fun. I cannot wait! UGH!
And soon I'll be 19. NINETEEN! No way, man. But that is months and months away.
Time flies, huh?